Usually Satan is sly, alluring, and sneaky. But the fast few days he has been obvious, devouring, and hideous in his attacks against Ben and I. They sure weren't kidding when they said there would be trials and tribulations along the way when doing Gods work...
On Sunday the 18th, we drove to Cleveland, TN to speak for a few minutes at Mount Olive East Church of God. On the drive up there, Satan attacked us with doubts, fears, irrational thoughts. But we fought through it and the Lord provided a wonderful meal and warm bed for us through his servants Kent and Susan Berry. (A wonderful couple who means a LOT to us). The next morning I was struggling so bad with selfishness (Tara talking here). I wanted to sleep more. I wanted more time to get ready. Me. Me. Me. It took some serious prayer and effort just to give Ben the first cup of coffee and make up the bed while he finished getting his notes together. Then the printer didn't work and I had to write his notes all down. Ugh. It was just not a good morning. And I'm not a morning person to begin with...
Despite it all, the Lord still worked. I am sure of that. I prayed over Ben that every word that came out of his mouth would be directly from the Lord. Nothing more. Nothing less. I gave that to the Lord and was at rest while Ben was speaking as well as after. We set up our display and stayed after for questions. Some people came by and we talked and gave them our brochures and prayer cards. And...we received our FIRST DONATION! I don't know the man's name, but I know he handed us $3 and said "It's all I have right now". And you know what...those $3 are going in a frame and will be hanging up in our apartment here in the states and in London to remind us of God's faithfullness and how He always provides.
So after this spiritual high of speaking at our first church and having such a great response...Satan was surely not happy. He was on the prowl and I had no idea what was coming...
Let's just say that last week we were hit HARD financially. From 3 unexpected medical bills numbering over $500 to $140 in overdraft fees from our attempt to pay off those medical bills on time. (I have never in my life had a single overdraft fee) We live paycheck to paycheck and have seen our Emergency savings hit nearly $0. There have been other unexpected bills/financial issues this past week. Ugh! So disheartening! But you know what, I think God is allowing this attack from Satan to teach me something. To trust in Him. To lay my Isaac down (control of our budget, an emergency savings in place, etc.).
See, God has promised me something. He has promised me (since spring 2007) that I would return to England/Europe to proclaim his truth. To proclaim freedom for captives. And this effort requires a chunk of money that I have to rely on Him to provide through friends, family, and others burdened to support us financially. I almost feel as if we are back in London with the volcano going off and I am in no control whatsoever (except this time its our financial status). He is gently whispering in my ear "Do you really trust me? I am going to ask you to lay your Isaac down and sacrifice it to me. Do you trust me without an emergency savings in place? Do you trust my plan?" Lord, it's so hard! But yes, I will trust in you. Help my unbelief Lord.
Lastly, in amidst all of this financial crisis...my Daddy gets a phone call last Wednesday night(after a wonderful family meal and game night) that my Grandpa was found in his room having a stroke. He suffered bleeding in his brain. My Dad flew up there the next morning and the news only got worse. My Mom flew up to Michigan a few days later to be with my Dad and the rest of the family. They spent the next 5 days in the hospital by my Granpa's side, praying, hoping, supporting each other. I was told they were just waiting for him to pass away. Then last night, Mom called and told me that Granpa had passed away.
So...needless to say its been an emotional and crazy two weeks. I have been nothing but distracted, stressed out, and spiritually oppressed. Not only have I had trouble focusing on finishing our visa application, but also focusing on the whole REASON for our visa application.....Christ. The one who loved me so much that He died for me and instilled in my heart to share his truth and love. And that's just where Satan wants me. He wants me in his disgusting cocoon of fear, distraction, anxiety, and disbelief. He doesn't want me to focus on Jesus so that everything else will fade away and all that matters in Him. Thankfully I have a great group of brothers and sisters in Christ who are prayer warriors and fought for me and with me this past week.
But I won't lie. Its not easy. I'm still stressed about the visa. About my family's well being. About my sister moving to Venezuala next week for 2 years. About raising all the money we still need to even go in October. Etc. Etc. Etc. So, friends who are reading...please continue to pray for me and Ben as we willingly step into this spiritual battlefield to fight the good fight. That's all for now. Bless you.
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